I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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