I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
