So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
