Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
