kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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