My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
