I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
