Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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