I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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