he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
