i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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