Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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