never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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