we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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