question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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