There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
