Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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