so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
