How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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