sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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