Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize