Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
