rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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