i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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