Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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