these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
