It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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