Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
