Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why are your pants in the freezer?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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