When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
