ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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