In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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