Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
