just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
