why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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