So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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