we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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