New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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