I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
