You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Randomize
