He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
