Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
