It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
