Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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