This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize