Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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