I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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