i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Girls should come with a carfax report
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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