I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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