I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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