I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
