Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
