you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
