You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
