So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up under a house in Key West
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
