So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
