Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
