I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
