get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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