please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
