I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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