Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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