i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Terrible idea I love it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
