You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
