Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
