I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
