You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
