your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
