Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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