but the lizard people decide everything anyway
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
