Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
