Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
not ubering you a puppy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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