I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
