sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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