she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
