Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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