I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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