Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
