we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
