$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
