End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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