those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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