Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
