I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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