And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
