Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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