Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
