i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
