its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
