i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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