How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize