I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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