Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
