Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
