i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
