Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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