I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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