I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
