Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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