At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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