yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
