Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Randomize