I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You pole danced in your parka.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
