like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
