at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
