Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
