Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
