Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
