Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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