Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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